"I wanted IN. I just wanted us to live again. For years I thought we've shared this secret that we would be wonderful in the world. I don't know exactly how, but just the possibility kept me hoping. How pathetic is that? So stupid. To put all your hopes in a promise that was never made."
"Tell me the truth, Frank, remember that? We used to live by it. And you
know what's so good about the truth? Everyone knows what it is however
long they've lived without it. No one forgets the truth, Frank, they
just get better at lying."
As I was driving home, I heard this song on the radio. Immediately I was taken aback. Someway, somehow feelings surface whether I have control over them or not. Maybe its a reminder that its okay to feel and express because lately I've been feeling the opposite, recluse almost. I spent the whole afternoon re-reading old blogs from lifetimes past and I came to the conclusion that I seriously am re-learning lessons of pain that I quickly forget when times are good.
Never forget... or the universe will find some cosmic way of reminding you.
I find time to myself so enlightening.
I've never admitted this to anyone, but I have an addiction problem. I get addicted to people, or in clearer terms certain individuals I am romantically or lustfully involved with. I don't know it at first because my brain fools me into thinking that its just some random "Joe" to get to know. But as time passes, I open up my heart and the person who was just some guy becomes my source of "happiness." And I couldn't wait to get my fix.
And so it becomes an on going cycle of heartaches and quick fixes. I created this fucked up reward system that leads me far from where I really want to be. Its the feeling of being worthless, powerless & out of control. I didn't realize who I was, or who I was becoming. Jealously would rear its ugly head and I would do nothing but tremor & let my heart beat uncontrollably. Jealously is a funny phenomenon. It's simply wanting what someone else has. But to the wiser, it is a reminder of something beautiful we could attain if we were just in another situation. If only I were wiser sooner and realized that if I let go, I could have a second chance to do things right.
So that's where I'm at, remembering that the healing process always begins with abstinence. I'm slowing perfecting the way I love and how I define it. It is true that we learn our greatest lesson from the most difficult obstacle we overcome.
STOP LOOKING FOR LOVE IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES and start looking within yourself.
Recent Chat:
Havey: hey booger nut
Me: hey bebe
Havey: so i have a story for u, i know a friend that worked in the hospital and she told me a crazy story
Me: hahah please shareHavey: so this lady walks in the emergency room and she says that she has a problem down there and so they check her out and guess what they find?
Me: an animal or something in her ass?
Havey: maggots
Me: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW!!!
Havey: apparently
Me: fuuuuck! thats gross!
Havey: her husband wanted her to put an apple in her pussy it got stuck in there
and she didnt take it out for like a week and maggots grew inside her vaginaMe: eww!
Havey: and were coming out to play
Me: so what did they end up doing to treat her?
Havey: scraped it all out
Me: uuUuuG!
Havey: after she told me that i didnt want to hear anything else
Me: now i can't watch porn tonight
Havey: LMAO
Me: dammit harbs i can't get that image out of my head &my vagina feels weird now
Havey: hahahahahha
Me: crazy, hey i might be taking my test in 2 weeks, urrrg i'm nervous
Havey: you'll be fine think like this things could be worse
...u could have maggots coming out of your vaginaMe: UUuuuUUG!
LOLZ!
omg
ur so right, thanks for that insight
i'll be thinking of that every time i get nervous
Today is my dear friend Gordon's birthday. I decided to make him an ice cream cake with some of his favorite fruits that are in season. This post is picture heavy so it might take a while to load. But enjoy!
evolme (10:13:13 PM): yeah i'd love to see uevolme (10:13:16 PM): not in a lesbo wayitin (10:13:18 PM): me too.evolme (10:13:19 PM): hahahitin (10:13:22 PM): haha better not be.itin (10:13:23 PM): lol.evolme (10:13:25 PM): i'm still not lesbian btwevolme (10:13:29 PM): lolzitin (10:13:31 PM): still not ahha.itin (10:13:43 PM): i think by now you would have discovered if you really were.evolme (10:14:03 PM): haha yeah, bcuz u and becca always made fun of me saying that out of everyone in our group i would be the gayitin (10:14:09 PM): LOL!itin (10:14:20 PM): THE gay haha.itin (10:14:23 PM): well you never know.itin (10:14:24 PM): haha jk.evolme (10:14:25 PM): yesh THE GAYitin (10:14:28 PM): ok do your cake.evolme (10:14:29 PM): stfu!evolme (10:14:33 PM): haha bye!itin (10:14:36 PM): lol byeeee.evolme (10:14:41 PM): lala says hi btwitin (10:14:55 PM): AWW lala! chesters says sup nigga.
On my way to the gym, I was stopped by a homeless woman asking for money. I didn't have a dime on me but I politely offered her some bottled water. Which she then replied,
"But ah already drwaaank waatah.."
Ok. >_<
I guess beggars can be choosers.
The weather was great, & other people passing by were friendly. There were so many cute dogs, I must've stopped each owner to tell them their dog was cute or beautiful. It made me want to take La, but knowing her she'd just cry and have me pick her up.
Spoiled beezy.
Anyway here are some pictures during low tide, where all the
treasures are revealed, and by treasures I mean store carts people
pushed into the marina never to return.
hard rock cafe sweater
tiger fatigue shorts
tropicana orange/tangerine juice
Lamb Skin booties
